Asians Everywhere

I’m Asian, but I grew up in Cleveland, Ohio. That pretty much translates to me growing up as a normal American kid, for the most part. Middle school and junior high were all about being popular and getting invited to the hottest bar mitzvahs. High school was about finding someone to take to the next school dance, playing after-school sports and getting pimples. Sounds pretty white american to me. The only exposure I had to asians was my korean-american church, which was filled with korean-american kids just like me, most of whom couldn’t speak korean (like me). It was a tight-knit circle and everyone was connected by no more than two degrees of separation. If you passed by a random Korean American in Ohio, you not only had an instant connection, you probably knew each other’s friends. Actually, you probably just knew each other to begin with.

So one aspect of Davis Life that still throws me for a loop is the inordinate amount of Asians that traverse through campus anonymously, speaking perfect English. At first, they all looked the same, or at least a transformed version of someone I knew from before. I’d turn the corner and there would be John Shim or Ann Oh or someone else. So yes it is true, all Asians do look alike. I felt like I understood why my high school teachers always mistook me for Tony Hwang.

But with time I began to see the subtle distinctions and social lines that made each Davis Asian (somewhat) unique. That being said, I have for you a list of all the different Asians one might find at UC Davis.

- The White California Asians, who are notably different from White Cleveland Asians or any other white variant of asian, are at once a pain and a pleasure. They’re really cute, a feature almost always noticed first by the big white guys they’re holding on to. It usually goes like this: I’ll pass by a cute girl wearing $200 sweatpants that hug low on her hips, and when I glance at her face I’m shocked to find that she’s a cute ASIAN girl, just disguised as a rich jewish girl. Or I’ll overhear one side of an irritating cell phone conversation, turn to sock the girl in the face and find that she’s actually asian and actually super cute. I said cute 5 times in this paragraph.

- The Too Cool For Asians Asian. These guys and girls are the hipster asians that work at the coffeehouse (the davis food place that only employs good-looking hip people). They wear hightop converse and thrift store t-shirts. They usually look like they just woke up, but really they spent all morning perfecting that Derelict/Zoolander look. And since they’ve taken such pains to rise above their Asian brethren, they feel no need to socialize with them. They’re usually surrounded by white people, and the occasional hip black guy. (To be honest, I’m pretty much describing myself here. I’m not above categorizing myself.)

- The Generic Asian sits outside of the MU with about fifty other Generic Asians. He promotes his Asian frat and bakes under the California sun in his black Armani shirt. His overworked biceps can’t hide his otherwise skinnyass frame. He is loud and annoying, but he only finds strength when he’s with his fellow Lambdas. Left alone, he reverts back to the awkward, geeky Asian who runs home and levels up his Druid in World of Warcraft.

- Annoying Asians Playing Online Poker At Cafes – If you are reading this, I want to kill you. You and your friends take up precious space at Mishka’s to feed your gambling addiction. You think that buying one cup of coffee gives you the right to take up an entire section for hours on end. You give Asians a bad name. Please leave campus, then drive back to see that giant billboard that gives information to help gambling addicts.

- The Random Fobs. These types pretty much dominate all Asians in Atlanta, but they’re a nonfactor here in Davis. Like in Atlanta, they isolate themselves, but since there’s only like 20 of them on campus I run into them just once in a blue moon. When they do emerge, I spot them from a mile away. Something about how they walk and talk, and that they’re all ghostly pale. Unlike in Atlanta, they don’t make a big enough social dent to warrant a unique stigma amongst nonasians. They’re just random fobs.

My mission in life for the next week will be to take pictures of these different kind of Asians to help you, my beloved reader(s), to see what I’m talking about. Or i’ll just search for them on facebook or google. But until then… which kind of Asian are you? (for nonasians, just think of it as a “what kind of color are you?” test)

edit:

I captured two asians on camera that I think are ilikedavis worthy.

dan ra, this one is for u

this guy is my hero

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